Balls

.....or ovaries, for all of our female readers (i.e. all of our readers). So there's this unofficial website for my university called "i saw you rutgers" (i was gonna omit the name of my school, but all the notation would have taken too long, though, probably not as long as this parenthetical notation took. eh) Basically, its a sight where students go when they want to report a sighting of someone they didnt have the balls to speak to in person around campus. (and yes, i have reported a sighting. search "indie kids") anyway. the popularity of this site attests to the fact that there are too many people walking around everyday not saying what they really want to say (i know what you're thinking..."duh stupid! is she really blogging about this?" yes i am, so suck it, please and thank you.) and the fact that there are so many means of online communication only seems to be enabling us. everyone has virtual balls but when it comes to the proverbial "real world" we all seem to have been vocally castrated (that probably only makes sense in my head). perhaps thats why when i come across people who arent afraid of speaking up and say whatever they want in public (including my blog-mate. ha ha. "blog-mate." gay) i find their company refreshing (even though i'm doomed to holding up everyone else to their standard thereafter (CURSE YOU INDIE BOY!). (wow. lots of parenthesis in this post. i'll try to stop.) i'm not at all saying i'm not guilty of this "vocal castration (yup. im using that phrase. oh crap, parenthesis). i too often have trouble when it comes to speaking my mind, though i'm not sure its for the same reason as my esteemed peers. its not so much that i dont have the courage. i have this troubling tendency of living in my head that often prevents me from caring about interacting with people (that was both condescending and creepy). i find myself passing up opportunities to speak to someone new and interesting simply because i dread the idea of making a new friend and having to spend time and energy nurturing a new relationship (which, lets be honest, is exhausting). id rather just continue living completely in my head and not having to deal with social interaction. im the type of person who needs 2 hours to recover for every 1 hour i spend in a social setting, so getting more friends isnt exactly on my to do list. i've probably contradicted myself about a dozen times already, and im not really sure what this post is about anymore, but im going to end with this: this month im committing myself to developing my real world balls. im gonna try to say or do something bold (like talk to people) everyday. yes, this is gay and cheesy and "new years resolution-ish" but whatever. im going to try. and when i fail miserably i will be back to blog all about it.