Monday, March 29, 2010

things that should go away immediately

1. girls who try soooo hard to be "one of the guys." no. you're not. you have a vagina. i'm sorry. and those guys you are so proud of hanging out with, the ones you're referring to the countless times you proudly declare "i don't have girl friends. i hang out with all guys. they're just easier"---those guys; they don't think you're cool or funny or different from other girls. they really dont care. you're just a backup f*** in case there's no one else available.

2. people on the bus/train who hold loud conversations just so everyone can hear how witty and clever they are. seriously. no one thinks your constant use of phrases like "Epic Fail" and "FML" are clever. they just want to throw you into oncoming traffic.

3. people who sigh dramatically loud in public to garner sympathy or attention. nobody cares. go away.

4. The "Twilight" kids.

5. that really depressing guy on BBC news this morning. when i first wake up in the morning i dont wanna hear things like "Will Obama's string of victories continue, or will the sheer weight of the American political system send him crashing back down to earth?" actually....that was pretty funny. he can stay.

6. guys who seem to be incapable of pulling off a hoody over their heads without having their shirt underneath lift up to the point where we can all see your nipples. STOP THAT! its not sexy. you just end up looking like an inept chimp, all tangled in masses of fabric with no way out.

7. girls who are pms-ing and decide to write angry blogs to exercise themselves of all the malicious energy. *cough cough*

8. the use of *cough cough*

9. girls who buy clothes that are outrageously smaller than what their actual size is, and then have to constantly adjust themselves; pulling and tucking things in and stretching the fabric. why are you torturing that poor shirt? its not its fault you're a trollop. BUY YOUR OWN SIZE and leave the smalls and mediums for us girls that are actually small and medium! im tired of swimming in your rejected larges and XXL's.

10. the term "sexting." people over 40 think they're so clever when they throw that word around. you can see it in their eyes. that old person pride. F*** you Doctor Phil.

11. That formspring thing on Facebook. as if facebook and twitter and blogs werent enough for our attention starved generation. its not enough that random people can follow your life through your incessant posting of your every jamba juice run and bowel movement? you need to add to that an open forum? we get it. you exist, now shut up already.

more to come. maybe

I have a cold.

Which is why my last post was Thurs. I'm trying to make the top ten list a consistent 2-3 days apart, but I can't freaking manage the proper thought for it. Like I told a friend on Facebook, "I'm more prone to goddamn Pokemon than existentialism right now".

Charizard's easily top 3.

I don't totally have writer's block though. I just can't be critical or very expressive. So instead, I'm gonna quickly write about Cookies 'n' Landmines' mission statement. Despite being preceded by fucking Charizard.

The point here is to talk about interesting topics in interesting ways. We like to think that we're not quite apart of the mold, and so we try to write things in that same original vein.

Because no one cares about that blouse you like.

Now from "MindlessBreeder's" perspective, I don't know. But for me, my interests are music, sociology, psychology, pop culture, and sometimes politics. My style (More like the one I really hope I sound like) fits in between bubbly and sharp; fun, but equally as witty and analytical. I also try to cater to the audience more than not; if something just seems too damn obscure or stupid, I try to steer clear of it.

So I guess that leaves out one question: What do I want people to come out with after reading? Well, a smile and a laugh first and foremost. Then, I hope they feel a little more enlightened about the subject they read. Lastly, I hope they feel compelled enough to go out there and jam my babble down someone else's ear.

So yeah. For me, I just hope this makes an impact on at least one person's life. But if we can pull together a real place here and command some attention, it'd be nice. After all, it feels good to know people care about your fucking blog, you know?


Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My 10 Favorite Songs of All-Time: 7-4

It's at this point where more of my taste for the vitriolic and speedier side of indie/alt./post-punk rock comes in. I've never been one to fully enjoy slow or soft music. And these four songs prove it easily.

7. Becky - Be Your Own Pet

This song is instantly memorable for its lyrics; the story of a girl who's best friend turns on her, and faces the angry consequences. It's easily Jemina's best lyrical performance:

"Now I'm going to juvey for teenage homicide
It'll would've been cool if you stayed by my side
And you know that you wouldn't have had to die,
but now every single night I cry

If only what you wrote in my yearbook was true--
then I wouldn't be stuck in fucking cell block 2
But I don't regret what I've done,
'cuz in the end, it was fun!"

But what makes these lyrics great is, again, Jemina's perfect delivery. Which convinces you that Pearl has and will do just as she croons.

Mixed in with this is the wonderfully ironic 50s-60s kind of pop/doo-wop sound that the instrumentals provide, with a chorus that makes you jumpy and happy despite content that is, well, completely insane. It's the quintessential BYOP song.

6. D is for Dangerous - Arctic Monkeys

"D is for delightful
And try to keep your trousers on"

The tongue-in-cheek lyrics make this one a sing-a-long and a half. Not to mention the harmony/back and forth delivery of Alex Turner and drummer Matt Helders. But it also comes with a fantastic chorus and bassline that gives you a feeling of constant motion; like the musical manifestation of a person skating in zigzags for 3 minutes.

And it all melts into one another for a chorus/outro that's unforgettable. The stutter during the last chorus threw me off at first, but now I can't help but to head bang to it. And if you don't, you are soulless, and should probably end your life.

Okay don't. Just kill your dog.

5. Stockholm Syndrome - Muse

Quite the tragedy actually. Stockholm Syndrome used to be a perennial favorite; number one nearly every time I was asked. Unfortunately though, Alex Turner drowned it like Andrea Yates.

Still, it's Muse's masterpiece in my opinion; the perfect combination of Matt Bellamy's furious riff-making and orchestral sound, Dominic's creative and unique drumming, and Chris'...same ol' notes BUT IT'S STILL FANTASTIC. And the chorus, while slow, is instantly prolific once you hear "And last time, I'll...FORRRRGEEEETTTTT YOOOOUUUU" How can you possibly not croon along with Matt? It strikes you somewhere deep in your chest and begs you to blow your lungs out singing to it.

And the outro is massive; metal-like, but not alienating in the slightest. It also works with the song perfectly. It's like a beautiful hulking giant of a song. And definitely Muse's magnum opus.

4. Brianstorm - Arctic Monkeys

The first time I heard this song, it reminded me of a drum cadence of some kind. Having been in a high school marching band for 4 years, I'm stupidly fond of anything that resembles that. And I've never heard any rock band make any attempt to infuse the grooves and hooks of a drum cadence in their song.

Whether or not this was intentional, AM certainly did it with Brianstorm. Of course, first and foremost, respect goes to Matt Helders

"Someone actually gave me acclaim?!?!"

He is probably the most underrated drummer of the past decade. In this song, he pulls off singing and 16th notes around the kit with precision and discipline, never missing a beat, and he constantly empowers the song's quiet moments and finishes without overwhelming the song with an unnecessary fill or an overly done roll. Probably Matt Helders' finest accomplishment here.

Oh shit. How could I forget. If Alex Turner makes a song, it's guaranteed the lyrics are worth hearing:

Top marks for not tryin'
So kind of you to bless us with your effortlessness
We're grateful and so strangely comforted

And I wonder are you puttin' us under
Cause we can't take our eyes off the t-shirt and ties combination
Well see you later, innovator"

Top that off with some of the smoothest bass fills at the beginning and particularly during the breakdown, and you've got the grooviest, most heart-pounding rock song I've heard, well, ever.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

My 10 Favorite Songs of All-Time Part 1: 10-8

I haven't sat down and made an organized effort to list what my favorite songs are. However, when I did, I realized immediately that it's stupidly difficult. Too many songs you love for too many reasons that can't really be compared to any other song. It's like being asked to pick which one of your children is your favorite.

And you didn't win.

But, through a grueling set of eliminations (I SWEAR I STILL LOVE YOU WHITE STRIPES), I've narrowed it down to 10 songs. Here are songs 10 through 8.

10. Hysteria - Muse

The instant the song begins, you already know you've found yourself a great song. And the moment the chorus explodes into your ear, you realize the song's a classic.

And then the breakdown and outro comes along. And you've probably already broken a lamp from the spontaneous moshing you've done.

The song is an orgasmic thrill ride from beginning to end with one of the great bass riffs of all-time, a chorus from Bellamy that literally sounds like its soaring, and impeccable drumming by Dominic Howard. All of which culminates in a fantastic and energetic breakdown.

9. Teddy Picker - Arctic Monkeys

What makes this song particularly special is how everything seemingly fits in perfect cynical harmony. The guitar riff, a great one, feels as though it was created purposefully to harp on unintentional celebrities and their 15 minutes of shameless fame.

Oh wait, that is what this song's about. Thanks to Alex Turner's insanely clever writing, which is particularly catchy in its opening verse:

"Despair up to the point that they provoke
You to tell the fucking punchline
Before you have told the joke"

And that unforgettable chorus:

"Now it's the thousandth time and its even bolder
Don't be surprised when you get bent over
They told you
But you were dying for it"

And what is a solo so goddamn smooth it compels you to imagine Turner doing it for the sake of pleasing yourself. Possibly sexually. Teddy Picker is a seamless song who's riff and lyrics intertwine perfectly, demand your attention and repeated listening, and a solo that could be the musical manifestation of masturbation.

8. Hillmont Avenue - Be Your Own Pet (I made the youtube video!!! Alright, I'll settle down with my Windows Movie Maker-producing ass)

All the Jemina Peal fans from her blog have just let out a mini-yelp.

Anyway, Hillmont Avenue is a goddamn statement. Jemina Pearl was never a really clever song writer, but somehow her lyrics have an unabashedly crazed feel to them; they're openly insane, and naturally feel like they don't give a shit about it:

"I lost my mind, these little men stole it
You wouldn't believe in all the stuff this way
I met my evil half in the bathroom
Telling me secrets in the mirror"

And this line, which I feel like I'm constantly anticipating when this song starts playing:

"If I was crazy I would have fun allllll the time"

Of course, these lyrics would mean nothing were it not for Jemina Pearl's legendary delivery. She sings this song with the perfect amount of insanity and melody that keeps you in the song's energy and mood without breaking you out of it with what are admittedly some fucked up lyrics.

But let's not ignore the band behind her like they suck. The music in Hillmont Avenue, while simple, creates the perfect amount of apprehensive yet raucous energy from the beginning when that guitar shrieks in its "1,2" rhythm, to the chorus where its quarter notes coincide with Jemina perfectly. It actually agrees with the song's lyrics, and carries you along for the schizophrenic ride; something that simply doesn't happen often enough in music.

To summarize, this song is a bottle of charismatic insanity. And I love it.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Here's the Landmine part of the blog.

We live in a world of subjective reality.

What I mean by this is that things are what they are because we want them to be. Let's start simple and hilariously.

Sex. The stimuli required to alert your brain to induce an orgasm is different from person to person. The action is always the same. Neurons get fired back and forth, you grow a little more tingly in your genitals, and voila, you burst liquid happiness. But the visual stimulation required to get you to do that is different and based on how you choose to interpret your chosen stimulation.

For example, there are people who ejaculate to balloon fetishes.

See. Simple and hilarious. And sexy.

Women, often half or fully naked, either bouncing on giant rubber balloons, or simply maneuvering on top of a small generic helium bubble. This makes me laugh. To someone else, this is what triggers their brain to send the signal to burst liquid happiness.

Same with man-on-man sex. I equate it to a generic Youtube video; it's just as silly to me as a girl fucking up a cartwheel. But to someone else, it's love making at its purest, and their fix for sexual stimulation.

Let's use a less ridiculous, more personal example. My classic Chuck Taylor's are symbol of friendship, trials, and tribulations. To another, they're a shitty looking shoe made out of cloth and rubber with no back-foot support whatsoever.

I mean seriously. You jump one foot into the air and the shock from the landing will demolish your ankles.

If something can be made to have a strong emotional resonance, even if it, in actuality, means nothing, then isn't everything subjective to what our minds chooses it to be?

This is all foreplay to why I'm writing this: This thought process is the exact reason I'm an atheist.

Because ultimately, everything around us only exists in their literal definitions and have no emotional or personal meaning until we grant it, then the essential argument of the Creationist theory is automatically dismantled; you cannot use mere existence as an argument anymore, because according to my logic, that too is subject to our personal choice of meaning.

This means that the only thing that can prove God's existence is a piece of evidence that is, indisputably, God itself. Not a giant mountain formation, not a huge body of water, not a collection of hot gases and dust, but an object that can only be God, and nothing else.

Until that piece of evidence shows itself, I cannot believe there is a God. Because everything we currently see is meaningless and only exists as its literal definition. Things are just ions bonded together to make something pretty until we choose to give it a greater purpose.

Or make it sexier. Mmm.

I understand that my own logic can be used against me. That I am subjecting the world to my own chosen agenda, and so I think everything is an evidence of Atheism. But herein lies the difference; it isn't what Atheists have that proves me right, in my opinion, it's what Creationists lack (The indisputable objective evidence of a God) that gives me the upper hand.

Still, I concede that I could still be applying subjective thought. And so I'll always be willing to agree to disagree, which is what we should all do in a world that only means what we choose it to mean. But apart of me will always fall towards this side, unless that special day comes when God blasts my head apart a la Ben Affleck in "Dogma".

Probably the most grandiose way to find out you were wrong.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

music for a cause

first an apology. its been awhile, i know. midterms. my schools owns me. anyway. my head is still aching from cramming it with random, useless facts, so if you dont mind, i'm just gonna keep this post light. yeah. cookies 'n' landmines lite. i like that.

so, i have a bit of an internal conflict bouncing around in my head at the moment. its actually always been something i've fought with myself over, but recently its been on my mind a lot. i wonder sometimes (when i have enough energy to care) about whether or not music should sometimes come with a message. you know, like advertising a cause, trying to change the world, all that good stuff. there's basically two sides to this debate:

the extreme purist in me says **** no! (please excuse her. she gets very testy about this issue) her argument basically goes like this:

"stop turning music into an effing telethon! music should be intrinsically good. it doesn't need a message attached to it! it should be subjective; open to interpretation. not cut and dry. if you want to spread awareness, go make a tee-shirt or get out and protest something. leave the music alone! let music be music. don't exploit it to advertise your cause. don't weigh it down!"

she's a very angry young lady. anyway. so, theres this whole other side of me that thinks there's nothing wrong with getting out a message through music, and that, in fact, its a pretty noble idea. She says:

"music is a VERY powerful medium. why not use it to help get out an important message. a song can stir up much deeper emotions than could any tee-shirt or protest. and a song that supports an honest cause that could change things for the better is EXTREMELY powerful. why not go for it then?"

i mis-spoke earlier. there are actually three sides to this debate. the third side always ultimately wins. she's the one that says "eh,whatever" and goes and listens to her message-less music in apathetic bliss (come to think of it, that girl wins most of my internal conflicts). However, both of the former two sides have very good evidence to back up their arguments. Case in point: the We Are the World epic. this song somehow provides sufficient evidence for both sides.

now, i realize "We Are the World" was this ground-breaking, revolutionary thing back in the 80's. in fact, if you ask me, it was probably the only good thing that came from the entire decade. Fine. it was a great thing to do. Point for team 2. im just not so sure its recent revival lives up to the original. now, when i decided to take a few minutes out to watch this video, i was truly tempted to critique the video/song solely on the basis of the "artists" in it. it was my full intention to watch the video on mute. but once again the masochist in me prevailed. and so i turned up the volume.....and WOW, did i pay for it. first of all, who the f*** decided that it was a good idea to open with justin effing beiber? barely in minute one and already i've lost all respect. another epic moment at 1:44. at hannah montana's big entrance of "woooaahh!"i actually paused and began screaming and gagging. seriously. that was my reaction. im not trying to be clever. i literally gagged. and i dont think i even need to explain my reaction when wyclef entered with his.....whatever that was. what sound was that he made? GOD! it sounded like this weird toy i had as a kid that made this awful gurgle sound when you shook it. and weezy and T-Pain with the auto-tune? brilliant. now, dont get me wrong. im not at all saying that a cause is only worth the individuals supporting it. no. its perfectly fine that t-panini supports the Haiti relief fund; i just personally cant seem to take it seriously when you gather this very random, very odd clusterf*** of "celebrities" and "singers" together. maybe im thinking too much again. maybe i should just shut up and respect their efforts. its far more than i've done for Haiti, after all. Maybe i should Jonas brother at 4:37! ha ha. screw it, this is trash.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Running Out of Ideas 2


Somewhere on the Internet sparked the idea in my head: What would happen if an asteroid larger than the Earth was about to make impact with us? This wouldn't just be the end of our civilization; it would mark the end of life as we know it.

Then I started thinking how we, as humans, would handle it. Would their be widespread panic? Or would we all unify and sing "Cumbiyah" in a last ditch effort to save face? And would we send Bruce Willis into space?

No this is not an "Armageddon" reference. I want to punish him for making "Cop Out".

I think at first I would react rather panicked. Immediately though, I realized I'd need to up and get the hell out of here. Looting would be rampant; end of the world means everyday routines stop mattering, which means money would probably stop being circulated, which means everyone would steal shit. Especially around here.

Then I'd just make an effort to make my final days on Earth the greatest days of my, and anyone else who tags along, life. Walking aimlessly in the hopes of enjoying the world. It would be like the pilgrimages to the Summer of Love at San Fransico in 1967; a pilgrimage filled with peace, joy, and obnoxious smelly teenagers.

And with less drugs. Way less drugs.


Lil' Wayne has Four Babies.

By four different women.

I understand that Lil' Wayne's, like, a rapper, but how does that make a guy who's 5'5'' and looks like Aunt Jemima's lesbian daughter attractive? Much less attractive enough to allow him to dump his awful sperm inside of them?

This is the part where bitches clamor for his seed.

But let's not degrade Lil' Wayne. Clearly, he didn't rape four women. They chose to be dumpsters.

Well, who are the trash cans?

Antonia "Toya" Carter, with whom Wayne had a baby with when they were both in high school, Wayne being just 15.

Another baby in 2008, who's mother is unidentified.

And two babies in 2009 who were born 2 months apart from one another; The first by a girl named Lauren London, who is an actress, model, and video ho, and the other by Nivea, a musical "artist".

The thing that upsets me about all this is that it kind of perpetuates stereotypes about black people and artists. Promiscuous and unprotected sex galore in the hip-hop scene, baby-making like rabbits, Lil' Wayne not playing an active father role in any of their lives. It's irritating. There's few things I honestly despise in the world, and one of them is when people fulfill the stereotypes they're socially stigmatized by.

Even more ironic is that Lil' Wayne's own father wasn't in his life. So not only is he perpetuating the urban stereotype of being born fatherless, but he's, four times over, reenacting his own father's mistakes.

But it's alright. You keep smoking weed and having court trials. No wait! Shit! Stop!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Is it obvious I've ran out of ideas?

When I feel I've hit writer's block, I take my time to scour my mind for one topic to discuss. This usually ends in resounding failure, and instead I end up finding a dozen mini-topics.

So what do I do? I go on a writing spree of mini-topics.

Fucking steamrolling over that block.


Why is this a cool new phrase to say? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for self-deprecation. But fuck my life? Why does that follow things like "I grabbed my kool-aid out of the fridge and it spilled on the floor FML!!!" or "I can't believe I have to work on Saturday! FML!!!!"

No. No, your life isn't fucked. It's just mildly inconvenienced (What would that be? "MLMI!"?). I think there's more important things to tag those 3 letters after.


Which leads me to this other little acronym.


Shaking my head. Or like I see it as, "I'm gonna replace strong phrases like 'I'm disappointed' and 'How stupid' with this 3-lettered-acronym that spells out the sound you make when you throw a small fart." Think about it. It's so true isn't it.

Just say "That's stupid", damnit. Make some time to articulate yourself, you know? I get "lol" or whatever, but it gets damn ridiculous sometimes. Fuck, if someone from the 1940s decided to read the Internet, they'd think we've had strokes.

democracy leads 2 economic turmoil lol smh so i try 2 tell dat 2 britain but i had to take dem by force fml!!!!


In other German-related fun, Rammstein has recently decided to infect my head. I have a weird tryst with them. I spend a few days with them. Love it. Then ignore them for 3 years; like a child of divorced parents.

It's okay Rammstein. I'll send you money.

Recently I decided to call them and ask what the hell they've been doing with their lives. They told me about a few other accomplishments they made, namely "Amerika" and "Feuer Frei". Amerika has weak verses, but its chorus is hypnotic, and its breakdown is deliciously primal. The message also speaks to a very anarchistic/individualistic side of myself who hates globalism, and America's particularly boring image.

"Feuer Frei", however, is a song that if adrenaline decided to manifest through music, it'd probably be "Feuer Frei". Such a fantastic riff, with a great chorus and breakdown. An amazing accomplishment in the field of "badassery".

Rammstein are an admittedly simple band musically, but they're very keen on making catchy music that never leaves you after you've heard it. And "Amerika"/"Feuer Frei" are perfect examples of that.

Oh my boy's so adventurous!