The Death of Rock Culture...Almost.

The hilariously depressing downward spiral of the culture that used to be rock, from its fashion to its music, has been pretty evident. I don't think you need a douchebag to tell you that.

Especially this douche.

However, what do you say when someone's asked you? What if, one day, some one asked you to analyze the systematic alienation of a sub-culture? This is where this post comes in.

I've deduced that there are ultimately 5 distinct indicates of used to be associated with the culture of rock. And that (Almost) all 5 have been raped with a pickle jar. While it was open.


With the pickles still in it.

So here I present you the Death of Rock Culture by the numbers.

1. Skating

Their used to be a day not too long ago when a guy skating meant he most likely listened to rock music. Or, at least, probably had a very strong disdain for mainstream music.

Or, at least, you knew to get the fuck out of his way.

I mean, that's what rock music essentially is, right? The denial of radio-streamed music, or mainstream attitudes, maaaannn. Skating and rocking were intertwined through this marriage of resentment for pop music.

Well here, in his full glory, is Justin Bieber

Fuck.

The epitome of pop music. The "No way, that isn't a girl singing?" artist. Skates.

I think we're done with this one.

2. Hot Topic.

I know, I know. Hot Topic wasn't all cool with the hardcore kids to begin with.

However, it used to be Hot Topic was that ugly hole in the wall that weird, vitamin-D-starved people use to crawl in and out of. You just didn't go in there if you weren't apart of the culture; you felt strange, out of place in a way. If Hot Topic was anything, it was honest and proud; it knew it was strange, obscure, and gothic, and it liked it.

It also cut itself in ecstasy.

Now? Blondes with pink AE sweaters. Hispanic chicks looking for "them spiked belts". The gangstaest of the gangsta. In particular, I overheard one literally say to his friend as they exited a Hot Topic "Hey, let's go to the other store; they've got more skull stuff"

They've got more skull stuff.

I do, however, realize there's a legitimate counter-argument; "Hey, but that's just how popular the look is! Not HT's fault!"


Well, I present to you exhibit A.

Wha...wha...

Yes. Hot Topic sells Lady Gaga t-shirts.

Oh---it can't get wors--

Yes. Hot Topic sells Lil' Wayne t-shirts.


WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW.

Yes. Hot Topic has sold the fuck out.


It's no longer the hub for your favorite rock band's t-shirts where people who look like AFI retreads work and everyone actively tries to avoid going in there. It's the cool mall store now that everyone, almost obligatorily, visits once. Hell HT barely even cares about being that ol' hole in the wall. They know they're place for popular clothes, and they like it.

3. The Mohawk/Fauxhawk.

While the Fauxhawk was admittedly born in a sort of poseur-ish manner, it was still only worn by people who clearly classified themselves as apart of the rock sub-culture. This, and it's much more ambitious older brother, the mohawk, were classic signs of a guy (Or even a girl. You dirty lesbian) who identified himself as a member of the rock sub-culture.

Were.

In addition to random speculation, I've lived through this myself. I first decided to erect a fauxhawk back in 2006. It was so strange to do so, so very rare, that I was afraid to actually go through with it. I would feel extremely anxious sitting on a bus, where every once in a while people would take a glance at me as though I've somehow pissed on their Jesus, but then realized I didn't.

Go ahead. Picture that. It's perfect.

I even had people talking about my hair on the back of those buses. My hair was an attraction. It was just a fauxhawk.

Anyway, it only took one and a half years later for it to boom. Not that this was my own doing, but it was to my disappointment that the then strange and unique hairstyle that embodied me had turned to become a thing. Now? Now I just look like everyone else. I'm almost indistinguishable.

It blows.

For example;


No.


Fuck no. (Sorry kid, but not only are you 5, but whoever uploaded it called it a "mohawk" . So you're fair game.)




As-Salamu Alaykum no.



Oh hey I don't need to make up a funny caption for this one.

Do you get my point?

No seriously do you, because Google Images is running short on mohawks.

4. The Style.

Oh man. Where do I even begin?

The tight pants, the studded belts, the Vans sneakers, the Chuck Taylors, the skulls, the band t-shirts. Especially the band t-shirts; have you ever seen more "As I Lay Dying" t-shirts in your life? And could it be anymore obvious that they have no clue who that band is?

Absolute aberrations of what we used to call our very own style has become fodder for the masses who seek to indulge in the cool and now.

i.e. We look like everyfuckingone else.

However, 1-4 pales in comparison to 5. 5 is the last, but most fortified, bastion. Because ultimately, the rock sub-culture is about one thing and one goddamn thing only:

5. The Music.

And its hulls haven't been breached yet.

Though pop culture has broken four previously untouched mediums of the sub-culture, it hasn't yet managed to corrupt the very reason why we've all identified ourselves this way. And it can't.

Because actual rock music will always be ours. Ultimately, all this is is a trend. And soon, it'll go away. But the music was, is, and will always be around. And the actual rockers will be along for the ride, throwing the devil handsign like retards at a party, and proudly displaying their favorite band on their torso, as they blast obscure shit on their iPod.

And it's all because they love it; not because it's in style.

So while yeah, our sub-culture has been irrefutably sodomized, goddamnit, the music is still ours. And we should proudly wear that badge of honor throughout. So quit bitching. Because we still got our music. And so long as we have that, we'll still be around. And one day, the MTV-agenda will desert us for new grounds, and this hazy topsy-turvy dream of ours will go right back to normal.


Although Justin Bieber is our Antichrist. Keep your eyes peeled.