Friday, April 23, 2010

BEST BLOGS EVER!!!

Well in this case I do actually like the blogs and am not being a sarcastic asshole. These 3 writers provide thoughtful insight on everyday situations all the while maintaining an excellent dose of personality and wit.

Also, they're all from Britain.



I love this rainy piece of shit.

For starters, India Volkers is the skilled writer of but it turned out I hadn't. Besides having a fantastic username and a blogspot title that sounds like a great Arctic Monkeys song, the girl knows how to twist her cute day-to-day stories into whimsical adventures and musings with well-crafted descriptors and a biting command of words. In this post, she takes what would normally be the world's blandest "I hate my life" post and turns it into a lesson on how to kick verbal ass:

"... Hormonally I ain't been feeling too fahking rosy this week, which naturally would present this weekend as the perfect opportunity to organise a nice coffee with an old friend, in which they inform you through a series of awkward unfinished sentences that you are essentially friend-dumped owing to the complexities of boy/girl friendships, the inextricability of past from present and a girlfriend who is 'NOT A PROBLEM'...The rest of the week has largely been passable in the South East, perhaps a five point five rising to a seven in places, but approached with a vaguely droll smile and shadowed by generally vast and looming exam-shaped shadows.

I have probably morphed into some sort of soggy walking rain cloud, but will be attempting to find some sort of silver lining...possibly at the bottom of a bottle of gin? Sigh." -- Cheer Me Up

Queue the anime three-way shock.


Thank you.


It takes a deep mind to pull something like she did off. Anyone else would've made this a forgettable post.

I'm hella jealous.


Stop trying to make hella happen.

Okay, fine.

Completely ignoring my alpha male complex, our next writer is a guy by the username Joshua Kirk.

By the way why do Joshua Krik and India Volkers sound like names of people that helped map the Americas?


lewisandclark.blogspot.com: "Still on this boring ass river. Found a hot Indian chick. Says she wants to help."

Anyway, his blog is the more serious of the 3; Weeks, pictures, days, words contains Joshua's solid critiques of the media that surrounds him, all the while providing a nice insight on the UK for those on the outside, like myself (USA! USA! USA!).

However, what caught my eye in particular was his poignant critique of Google's "Government Requests" section. What would normally come off as a "Oh look at good ol' Google!" application that would make us feel proud about government transparency is spun in a different, and possibly more accurate, agenda by Joshua's thoughtful post:

"Whilst I, as a stereotypical Guardian-reading zealous liberal, appreciate what Google are trying to do by showing this type of information (showing they can't be controlled, standing up for anti-censorship, etc), I have some problems with the way the thing has been put together and presented. Loads of the supporting writing posted by Google insists on telling you, unless you didn't get the idea, that they're 'new at this'...Why do they need to tell us?

Secondly, if you look at China, the label is a bright red with a big ol' question mark next to it where the number should be. This is what made me think that maybe, just possibly, Google are using this as a form of self-advertising...why put a question mark? Put 'N/A'. A question mark is just inflammatory, childish, and petty. It's just Google shouting at their audiences that 'OOH LOOK BIG BAD CHINA'. You're not a government, Google. I know you want to be, but you're not...

And yes, I'm aware of the irony of dissing Google on a Google blog." -- Excerpt from Token Gestures.

Knowing the Internet audience/demographic well, I'm damn sure the majority are applauding Google's efforts in government transparency. That's what makes Joshua's rant so admirable; the ability to break away from the mass conclusion and think a little harder.



...I used Google Images to find this.

Last but certainly not least is the first blogspot site I found and followed. Though her posts on masks for cats are short, they're certainly sweet, as kate does a fantastic job at being equally nihilistic as she is delightful. Let's start with the dark poetic stuff first:

"the brain can't feel pain. how beautiful and steely in irony is it that the brain, the lumpy whorled meat in your skull, controls the electric impulses to nerve ending that cause pain, yet it can't feel pain itself? how hypocritical, to dole out and then refuse to take. however, to not feel pain is to not know pleasure. loneliness is the game of the brain; sending out the messages to feel. your first kiss, the way it feels to be left, being stabbed. the brain controls everything, but you can't shoot the messenger, because the messenger is in a cage of bone, controlling the feelings but never feeling them itself.
so; pity or resentment? " -- Wait a minute

I heard this is what killed Edgar Allan Poe.


Lord help my poor blogspot!

Seriously though, where would you even think about this? In a cab? Because most of the time I'm busy trying to tell my Zimbabwean driver where the fuck I live in the slowest English possible.


I AM SORRY THE ONLY ENGLISH I KNOW IS "13 DOLLARS" AND "MY IMMIGRATION PAPERS ARE HERE OFFICER"

Despite venturing into deep thought, the girl occasionally uses her bright mind to tackle life's little moments, with a sense of humor that is unforgiving yet playful at the same time. Here, she dissects one of those goddamn clich├ęs that everyone spews to a secondary friend:

"'how are you?' - 'i want to talk about myself, and what with the tennis-like back and forth quality of most conversation, by asking you to talk about yourself i will then logically have to reciprocate with talking about myself'"-- Excerpt from kfjhdsm

It's something me and DalaiMama kind of aspire to; the ability to be as sharp as she is while maintaining that biting humor and approachable wit.

Also you gotta love someone who mashes the middle row of their keyboard for their blog titles.


I VANT TO POST MY DAILY STRUGGLES IN LIFE AAARRRRRRGHHUHAAAGGHHH

All three of these posters are not only great writers, but unforgettable people in their own right. Not only do they deserve to be heard, but they deserve to be remembered. Read these blogs. It's the best time you've ever wasted.

2 comments:

  1. Fuckin great post bloke.

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  2. Lol this made me smile! Mean Girls reference earns you serious brownie points in my book haha.

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