Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Cunning Farce of Reality TV: Kim Kardashian

Let's all get plastered: Take a shot for every variation of "whore", "cunt", "useless", and the like.

This title is great and all, but really, we're not here for sociological understanding. So just say it with me:

Reality TV is a piece of shit.

Feels good man.

So much time is given to meaningless whores (Literally and figuratively), who do meaningless things, and receive meaningless attention.

But the AIDS is forever.

It's the sociological equivalent to someone getting pulled over; poor asshole runs a stop sign, and I'm sure we've all been through this, but we'll all slow down drastically and stare at it anyway in the vain hope that something dramatic has happened.

One of the most amazing things about reality TV, though, is that it is the most blatant way to walk up to the American Dream and politely tell it to get the fuck out of your way.

Queue predictable Kim Kardashian picture.

These are the breasts of our demise.

All delicious hyperbole aside, let's break down Kimmy's illustrious career:

- 1980 to 2005: Obscure whore.

- 2006: Oh, neat, a TV show. Maybe she'll be an actress or ---

-2007: Release a sex tape with Brandy's eternally teenage brother Ray J, that totally wasn't intentionally released whatsoever nope. Especially when she sued Vivid Entertainment but it went down like this:

And it totally wasn't the reason why she was offered to pose nude for Playboy.

- 2008: Or to be a face model for a fashion line.

Or generate enough interest to make a reality TV show.

And be given various acting, film, and guest appearances.

...And her own workout DVD, called "Workout with Kim Kardashian". Great name, by the way.

Welcome to my new blog.

I don't know what more to write. Seriously; her Wikipedia page is incredibly small. My favorite part is that it lists her as a "celebutante". Which is a gentle way of saying she's a mutated spleen.

How does an existential splenectomy work?

To circle it back to the American Dream point (Because incessantly implying "slut" almost wrecked this blog's point), she reached a level of stardom that has made her ubiquitous with fame and success. Along with her development deals, Kim Kardashian constantly receives media and tabloid attention through her bajillion bikini shots and her undying lust for athletes.

Nice throw. Let's connect genitals.

Essentially, she has made it in America without any substantial or credible effort on her part. Fortune, fame, adoration, attention; found through the quick insertion of a mediocre pop star's fleshy tube and the ambitious lenses of a digital camera. How is that possible? And more importantly, why did we encourage this?

Alright enough with the intellectual bullshit; she's famous for being a dickpocket, and I'm pissed.

Yes dickpocket counts. Take the shot.

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