Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Bomber's Dozen July 26th-31st: The Fiery Seven

Now with number 13!

Exhaling the last breath of her reputation.

The very last puff.

This is like if Pete Doughtery hung out and dated Kate Moss, except that would never happen.

Which I don't understand. You become the face of a band who's one of the most beloved acts of our generation. And by association, you become a near mythical indie-rock icon.

And you sue?

You go from preppy white bitch #643 to psuedo-rockstar and your response is "I DO NOT LIKE"?!

Because seriously, your name is Kristen Kennis.

Her name is Kristen Kennis.

You were supposed to die in that Ralph Lauren polo, accompanied by a white frilly skirt and K-Swiss sneakers, all sponsored by your father's trust fund, based in South Hampton, NY. Be happy you've been de-stereotyped, stupid.



Not that I needed this article to prove that.

This'll do.

I'm not sure at what point he felt compelled to take a douche mushroom, make a few douche bleeps, and super douche over koopas.

Annnd our first Mario reference.

Listen to him; he's saying shit like "[His new band] Beady Eye will be bigger than Oasis", and:

"We have this tune and it was a bit Rolling Stonesy, and I didn't like it," he said of the recording sessions for the group's debut album, which is due out next year. "It was slow and boring. So we just got on a piano and fuck it up, Jerry Lee style, and stuck a John Lennon vocal on the top. It's good."

I can feel the vomit tapping my throat.

But let's ignore all this scrumptious irony.


And focus on Zac's quote in the second article:

''I'm not really the type of guy that does that kind of thing often. I've heard a lot about these places, mostly from rap music. It was supposed to be pretty reputable. I envisioned myself sitting on a nice couch, shades on, with T-Pain and Usher, making it rain money - and it just wasn't like that."

Let it sink in. Try not to write a blog about it.

This is a contentious issue.

Need proof? How about googling "Pigeon shit" links to four first page articles on the KoL story, and even includes press photos of the band in the images section.

In other words, they've become synonymous. Kings of Leon and "Pigeon shit" are one in the same. And so they should be.

If people have paid in advance, they clearly appreciate your band and anticipate your performance. To walk out on them because little splotches of bird shit dabbles your recently moussed hair is to walk out on those who so dearly wanted to embrace your creativity.

Way to go, Kings of Leon. You're officially....


On my shitlist.

Thursday etc. etc.

Feel free to unfollow this blog.

The classy SB1070 (Which sounds like a Megaman prototype) law went into effect this past Thursday. I was eagerly awaiting social catastrophe when suddenly, a judge cockblocked the law's racially divisive intercourse:

"We believe the court ruled correctly when it prevented key provisions of SB1070 from taking effect. While we understand the frustration of Arizonans with the broken immigration system, a patchwork of state and local policies would seriously disrupt federal immigration enforcement and would ultimately be counterproductive."

The c-blocked sections of the law that guaranteed molotov cocktails and window smashings were the following:

  • Immigrants must carry their papers at all times or risk detainment
  • Illegal immigrants cannot solicit employment in public places
  • My favorite, officers can, without warrant, arrest suspected illegal immigrants for crimes that may lead to deportation
Mmm, vagueness in law. Nothing better than the word "suspected", which is to literally make an intuitive judgment, being used to determine how an officer arrests someone.

Because let's be honest, Arizona is siphoning Mexicans like a kid sucking down a tube of mini M&Ms. The suspected are not going to be Americans. They're not going to be Asian-Americans. They're not going to be African-Americans. They're going to be Mr. Rodrigo mowing your lawn. Sweet Juan Pablo who does your landscaping. They're going to be Hispanic people.

Thus, inciting general racial profiling. This could've only meant social suicide for the relationship between whites and hispanics, which is already degrading as it is.

But it was blocked.

And to be honest, I wish it wasn't. The US needs direct conflict again. We need to settle our differences openly, and quite possibly, violently, before anything gets better again. all this passive discussion on cable TV, all this vague political debate, which is solely jargon to get people voted, progresses about as quickly as a glacier. I honestly think we need something to impassion this nation again, and SB1070 was about the closest thing to doing so.

And while SB1070 was a steaming pot of passive racism, at the very least, it gave us (As in, Hispanic people) something to fight for, other than that ridiculous "American Dream" notion. Whatever that means.

Now we'll just strap on those yellow latex gloves again, as the smell of Windex and Clorox fumigates our passive noses. I wonder what's on Univision tonight?

1 comment:

  1. "We have this blog and it was a bit Polka Dotsy, and I didn't like it. It was slow and boring. So we just got on a template designer and fuck it up, Scott Pilgrim style, and stuck a Perez Hilton vocal on the top. It's good."

    I hate that paragraph.